May 1, 2010
11:30 p.m

I had started a melodramatic feat with my mom this day.

As usual, I felt I was the victim in our situation earlier but then I realized iit was the other way around.

Being a psychology student taught me to think things thouroughly before dojng it. Obviously, I have not perfected my skills in thinking before acting since the guilt and shame came later. I still have this attitude of being agressive and defensive whenever I feel at lost or feeling being ------ on. A common defense mechanism for people who do not know to control their emotions.

Anyway, the whole thing started yesterday when I went to the internet cafe instead of waiting for my mom to pick me up from my voice lessons. She got really pissed of and stuff and I really understand her. (but hey, sometimes she does the same and I really LOATHE waiting.) So, from there I started to build up my rage and she definitelt added to it when she told me, or let's just say, complained about why the lessons needed to be twicw a week. I explained to her that I needed to practice for the recital. As usual, she didn't give me a definite answer and ,like she always do, kept her silence.

Then ealier this day I overheard that my brother is planning to ask my dad about joining the 2nd batch of tennis lessons which my mom agreed instantly. I felt hurt rushed into me. I felt like it was so unfair. They were willing to pay another 1000 grand for his tennis lessons but paying for my lessons which was to be paid for three months have to argued and stuff? Then the worst part is that they didn't let me go out with my friend who invited me for a threat, sai-chi even told me that she had to sell all the melons so that she could spend her birthday with us.

but then I realized after much deliberation in my mind I realized that I was wrong. I understood mom for her reactions but I failed to see them because I was so overclouded by my whims and complaints. I felt so ashamed since I'm already 20 years old and it should be expected that I know how hard mom and dad have to put up with this.

But really, I can't get this feeling out of my system. I really love singing and though I don;t enjoy voice lessons that much but I really loook forward for it. It's just that I really love sisnging and I really think that I really deserve this opportunity. Maybe I'm just to damn spoiled. However, i really meant what I said that the reason I stopped singing is because whenever I do, something bad usually happens. And now, once again, my brother had to sacrfice something that he loves doing. I'm so thankful about his unselfish decision and that I should be happy but then how can I be when i feel so much guilt? Can't I be happy for once for being so selfish?

I don't know if it's just the product of my imagination or just too much movies that why I'm so melodramatic. A prima donna.

All I can say is that I'm such a baby and I really need to clean up my act.

God Bless!

May 1, 2010
11:30 p.m

I had started a melodramatic feat with my mom this day.

As usual, I felt I was the victim in our situation earlier but then I realized iit was the other way around.

Being a psychology student taught me to think things thouroughly before dojng it. Obviously, I have not perfected my skills in thinking before acting since the guilt and shame came later. I still have this attitude of being agressive and defensive whenever I feel at lost or feeling being ------ on. A common defense mechanism for people who do not know to control their emotions.

Anyway, the whole thing started yesterday when I went to the internet cafe instead of waiting for my mom to pick me up from my voice lessons. She got really pissed of and stuff and I really understand her. (but hey, sometimes she does the same and I really LOATHE waiting.) So, from there I started to build up my rage and she definitelt added to it when she told me, or let's just say, complained about why the lessons needed to be twicw a week. I explained to her that I needed to practice for the recital. As usual, she didn't give me a definite answer and ,like she always do, kept her silence.

Then ealier this day I overheard that my brother is planning to ask my dad about joining the 2nd batch of tennis lessons which my mom agreed instantly. I felt hurt rushed into me. I felt like it was so unfair. They were willing to pay another 1000 grand for his tennis lessons but paying for my lessons which was to be paid for three months have to argued and stuff? Then the worst part is that they didn't let me go out with my friend who invited me for a threat, sai-chi even told me that she had to sell all the melons so that she could spend her birthday with us.

but then I realized after much deliberation in my mind I realized that I was wrong. I understood mom for her reactions but I failed to see them because I was so overclouded by my whims and complaints. I felt so ashamed since I'm already 20 years old and it should be expected that I know how hard mom and dad have to put up with this.

But really, I can't get this feeling out of my system. I really love singing and though I don;t enjoy voice lessons that much but I really loook forward for it. It's just that I really love sisnging and I really think that I really deserve this opportunity. Maybe I'm just to damn spoiled. However, i really meant what I said that the reason I stopped singing is because whenever I do, something bad usually happens. And now, once again, my brother had to sacrfice something that he loves doing. I'm so thankful about his unselfish decision and that I should be happy but then how can I be when i feel so much guilt? Can't I be happy for once for being so selfish?

I don't know if it's just the product of my imagination or just too much movies that why I'm so melodramatic. A prima donna.

All I can say is that I'm such a baby and I really need to clean up my act.

God Bless!